I Hate RV Elementary School - Fiction

RV Elementary is the worse school I have ever gone to. The teachers are terrible because they make me do really boring work. You may think we are the luckiest people on earth – well, you don’t know what it is like to go to RV Elementary!

The teachers clothes are very ugly especially Miss Snodgrass and Mr. Higgenbottom - or Mr. HagissButt as I should say. For example – Mr. HaggisButt always eats haggis and it dribbles down on to his socks and Mr. HaggisButt doesn’t wear pants and has haggis on his head. He says it is refreshing, but I don’t believe him

Miss Snodgrass’s hair is so long it makes her trip. She has tripped all the students and they get tangled up in her hair. There are about 500 kids stuck in her hair right now and all the class pets are stuck there as well. Such as James the Gerbil, Thomas the Turtle, Harvey the Hamster and Dom the Dog. The only way to get out of her hair is by her tripping – which happens about every 30 seconds.

Miss Snodgrass wears rags – she doesn’t have any proper clothes. She wears a tunic the color of swamp green and the reason why it is swamp green is from the annual Swamp Trip where you go swimming in a swamp. At first when the Annual School Field Trip was announced everybody below second grade ran to sign up because they thought they were going swimming. All the second graders warned the first graders so they didn’t go. We forgot to warn the kindergarteners so they came back smelling of a swamp with tons of flies all around them. Nobody wanted to be near them, except for the flies, but I don’t think they count as people.

Miss Snodgrass wears baby shoes. She just crams one toe in each one. But baby shoes don’t count as shoes unless you are a baby. They do not look comfortable for any one I know.

Miss. Snodgrass’s voice sounds sharp and fierce. No one ever wants to be in her class. For instance she calls herself, “The Teacher from The Old Country”. And everything must be done like it was “In the Old Country”. It is very annoying.

For lunch we go to the cafeteria which is pretty good. That is the only good thing about RV Elementary. There are all sorts of delicious things like pasta with butter – they will cook anything you want.

Recess? We don’t even have recess at RV Elementary.

We are strapped into our chairs for about 15 hours each day. But it feels like 15 years. During that time we are suppose to be learning but really we are just listening to Miss Snodgrass read to us from the longest chapter book in the world called, A Long Way From Home. It takes about 15 years to read the entire book – well, that is the least anyone has read it in. She reads us a page a day and it has 5 billion pages in to. It is actually a pretty good book but she spits on us when she reads. I sit in the very back – that is my assigned seat – luckily. The kids in front, well, no one over likes them because they are always soaking wet from Miss SnotGrass spit.

Time for me to go clean out the rat cage. Bye.